Infertility and Pregnancy Loss
Learn, support & talk about
“Roughly 16% (or 1 in 6) couples in Canada experience infertility. This number has doubled since the 1980s.”
WHAT CAN YOU DO IN 4 MINUTES?
Read highlights of the most ‘need-to-know’ information on infertility and pregnancy loss from:
- CBC, Public Health Agency, Ottawa Fertility Center
- And, the personal experience of a fellow GENTTA member (*its longer than 4 minutes)
Follow & share content from one or more of the following social media account(s):
- pregnantish
- the_worstgirlgang_ever
- Ihadamiscarriage
- bellbellebella
- roadtorainbow
- Jessi_and_millie
- #infertilitylookslike
- #niaw
Got more time?
Listen to, Dismantling the silence around pregnancy loss on The Current CBC from April 13 2021 (skip to 22:45 – 45:50 minutes)
Share GENTTA’s posts on… Facebook – Twitter – Instagram
References
References
Ontario Prenatal Education – Pregnancy and Infant Loss
HealthLinkBC – Miscarriage
Public Health Agency of Canada – Fertility
The Current CBC – The Current for April 13, 2021
Ottawa Fertility Clinic – Infertility and Treatment Options
WHAT?
People are suffering from infertility and pregnancy loss in silence. “Everybody knows someone, but no one seems to talk about it.” (CBC)
WHO?
A lot more people than you think!
“Miscarriages are very common. For women who already know they are pregnant, about 1 out of 6 have a miscarriage. It is also common for a woman to have a miscarriage before she even knows that she is pregnant.” (HealthLinkBC)
“Roughly 16% (or 1 in 6) couples in Canada experience infertility. This number has doubled since the 1980s.” (Public Health Agency of Canada)
GOAL
Stop people experiencing infertility and pregnancy loss from suffering in silence.
SOLUTION
Become an ally to whom people experiencing infertility and pregnancy loss can turn to for support.
- Educate yourself on this prevalent and important issue
- Use your new knowledge to support your loved ones
- Increase awareness and be part of the conversation by sharing your knowledge with your friends and family (in person or on social media)
*last week was fertility awareness week
“Pregnancy is supposed to be a time of joy, celebration and anticipation, but too often things can go wrong.”
Highlights
“Miscarriages are very common. For women who already know they are pregnant, about 1 out of 6 have a miscarriage. It is also common for a woman to have a miscarriage before she even knows that she is pregnant.”
Public Health Agency of Canada
“Roughly 16% (or 1 in 6) couples in Canada experience infertility. This number has doubled since the 1980s.”
Infertility can be traced to either the man or woman, or a combination of both:
- 3 times out of 10, the cause is in men.
- 4 times out of 10, the cause is in women.
- 2 times out of 10, the cause is a mix of factors from both male and female.
- 1 time out of 10, at first, no specific cause can be found.
The Current CBC from April 13 2021
Listen to, Dismantling the silence around pregnancy loss on The Current CBC from April 13 2021 (skip to 22:45 – 45:50 minutes)
“As many as one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage, and the grief that goes with that is so often tucked away behind closed doors.”
“I think partly it’s that pregnancy is considered a happy thing. And there’s this idea that you don’t want to taint it with the idea there could be a loss. I think once you have a loved one who has a loss, it’s hard to talk about because you don’t really want to press them for details. Right. You just want to support them and be there. And so there’s less discussion because of that. And I also think, you know, we’ve found… there are studies that have found that women’s pain can really be dismissed, and especially if you are a person of colour or a woman of colour in particular, sometimes health care workers can dismiss the pain, whether it’s physical or emotional. And I think that all of these things combine to make it harder to discuss.”
“I find talking about grief and loss is helpful. And so if people have that opportunity, it makes it easier to share the burden. And I think it’s like sharing these kinds of things. I can tell you how important it is. Just last week, I was walking a friend through it, somebody who I didn’t know super well, but she approached me in the process of losing her pregnancy because she said, I know you’ve written about this and I want to talk about it. And that’s not the first time that’s happened. So there’s a need for this kind of conversation. There’s a desperate need for it for both parents in a partnership, in a family. And so we need to keep doing this. And I think it’s so important that everyone keep talking about it and writing about it.”
Ottawa Fertility Clinic educational videos informative and in-depth
Personal Journey with INFERTILITY
The personal experience of a fellow GENTTA member, July 2020
I am not one to be silent. However, my infertility journey had been long and difficult and often heartbreaking, and it had left me too fragile to want to bring more attention to something that I wanted so badly but just couldn’t have. So despite feeling a responsibility to share my experience, it was not until now at 23 weeks pregnant, that I am in a space where I am able to share my experience publicly, offer support to those struggling and provide tips for those of you supporting them.
Although I still feel vulnerable sharing, I believe it is important to bring the pains of infertility to light in order to contribute to the infertility community’s conversation. In my own journey, I’ve also found that there was comfort in knowing that infertility is common and that I was not alone.
I have never been able to get pregnant naturally. In short, over the past four years we’ve gone through two rounds of IVF and numerous medical appointments. I experienced ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome, five unsuccessful frozen embryo transfers, one miscarriage, and an ectopic pregnancy. These are the tangible things that we went through. While the monthly infertility rollercoaster of getting our hopes up only to be disappointed each time with a negative test result created more of the intangible experience of infertility; heartbreak, obsessiveness, shame, crippling grief and loneliness.
For us, four years was a long time. But in the end know that, when you are supporting someone that is struggling, any amount of infertility is painful. It is almost impossible to escape the trauma that goes along with it, and for many they experience it in silence. Some of my suffering came in the form of holding back tears at baby showers, breaking down whenever I would hear a pregnancy announcement, missing out on birthday parties and kid focused friend and family celebrations because everywhere I looked there were reminders of the one thing I wanted most in my life but couldn’t have, and feeling anger and shame when I would see a pregnant women wishing that I could be her and have what she has.
So, now that I am choosing to share more widely, I want to do so in a way that will hopefully benefit those who are and have experienced infertility and or pregnancy loss with my tips on how you can support.
This is by no means meant to shame those of you who have done these things, we all have. My hope is that with awareness we will all be able to create a better world for those of us living with this trauma.
Please try not to:
1) Ask us why we don’t have children (no matter our age, gender or sexual orientation)
2) Give advice to us when we haven’t asked for it
3) Say things like, “just relax and it will happen,” “you still have lots of time,” “you can always adopt,” “everything happens for a reason,” “at least you’re in a loving relationship” (this is true and I recognize that there are many that are less fortunate than me, but this is true for almost every hardship anyone faces)
4) If you are going to share your pregnancy with someone experiencing infertility or pregnancy loss, find out how they want to be told about it and if you’re not sure, avoid doing it in person. I found that a text was the best way for me to be told. This way, I wasn’t caught by surprise and could call them and talk to them on my own terms (after I had a long cry and most of the feelings of sadness had subsided so I could give them the positive attention they deserved)
5) Share your pregnancy experiences with us unless we ask
6) Complain to us about the challenges of raising your kids. We would love to take on those challenges, if we also got to love and hold a baby of our own
Please do:
1) Be loving and compassionate
2) Listen
3) Say things like, “I’m sorry,” and “I’m here for you” (just knowing we have your support is often enough. Talking through each disappointment time after time became a painful task and it was therapeutic just to be with the people I loved without ever bringing up fertility)
4) Support us in our anger, sadness and frustration, letting us know that it is ok to experience these negative emotions and that we shouldn’t just suppress them or look on the bright side
5) Give us outs (permission not to do things). Let us know you don’t expect us to attend a baby shower or child themed event, even if we are your best friends
6) Educate yourself, but still don’t give advice unless we ask. pregnantish and the Ottawa Fertility Centre have both been great resources for me
Three pieces of advice for those of you experiencing infertility and pregnancy loss that have helped me:
1) Protect yourself
2) Be uncomfortably selfish
3) Be kind to yourself